BDSM · Love and Relationships

48 Hours

Starting Friday night and ending Sunday night, Master and I will be experimenting with being in D/s-space the whole time.

Won’t that be weird with kids? Yes. But we’ve done similar things before, so I’m not worried.

What about household chores and stuff? I don’t do dishes, clean the litterbox, or vacuum often. I imagine those things will stay the same. I do laundry and cook, so I figure I’ll be doing that. And maybe some sexy food service type things.

Do you think it will be a struggle to maintain that mindset for such a long time? Yes. But we want to try. Rules for when we’re out in public. Rules for when we’re at home watching TV. Rules for bed… obviously.

What inspired this? Having to go an entire fucking week without playing.

Why do you want to do this? Because submission to Master makes my soul happy. It frees me, lets me let go of my worries, and lets me just feel. But more than that, I love worshiping him. I spend most of our relationship taking and not giving. I’m hands-off. I’m a little distant. I’m incredibly lazy and irritable. I don’t thank him or tell him I love him nearly as much as I should. This is my way of loving him completely. Wholly. And showing him exactly what he means to me.

Last night we just cuddled and talked. I couldn’t bury my face deep enough into his chest, or wrap my arms tightly enough around him. He asked me if I feel safe in his arms. It’s the safest place in the world. Or with my head in his lap. Or on my knees before him.

It hurts so bad that he doesn’t really know just how much I love him. How much he means to me. Especially when I know I’m the center of his world. I have failed in showing him how he is also the center of mine. I tell him that I love him, that he and our kids are everything to me, that they and maybe a couple friends of ours are the only people I love. (I do not love easily.) He shows me every single day how he feels about me. I wish that there was a vanilla way to show him, but alas. My submission comes easier to me than acting on my feelings in day-to-day life.

Would you consider making the 24/7 thing permanent? No. I need to be in a certain headspace for work. I have to be the snippy, dry, condescending, sarcastic bitch. Or I’d fail. I need to be dominant when it comes to our finances. I need to be in momspace for my kids when I’m home alone with them. Maybe when we’re old and the kids have moved out, we can reconsider it. But our younger child will be 10 months old tomorrow. We have a good 17 years and two months to go before reconsideration.

What do you hope to accomplish? Bliss.

What are your fears about this? Honestly? None. It won’t be perfect. We’ll both mess up. But I know it will be amazing, even if all we do is one scene and sit on the couch eating cheetos the whole rest of the weekend.

I’m so looking forward to this. I forgot that I had agreed to it, but Master reminded me yesterday. And I am so excited.

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3 thoughts on “48 Hours

    1. I fell into a weird headspace for reasons unrelated to the dynamic (Twitter locked my account and wouldn’t unlock it, so I was very frustrated) and it was hard to concentrate. But we found time the next day to do a little extended play.

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