Master has always been hesitant to engage in this aspect of power exchange. He doesn’t set a whole lot of rules, and the ones he does are easy enough to follow. Ok, just don’t wear pants in the bedroom when we’re about to go into a scene. Alright, just hold still and be quiet during the punishment. No big deal.
But I broke a rule this week. I had an orgasm without asking Master first.
I was working from home and clocked out, the kids were asleep, thought I would spend a little time dedicated to myself. And when Master came home and we were talking about our days, I just told him like I did every other time I spent quality time with myself prior to our agreement. He looked right into my eyes and said “You had an orgasm without my permission?”
“Who do your orgasms belong to?”
Shit. Shit shit fuck damn fuck.
To be fair, it hadn’t occurred to me he might actually uphold the rules. When we first began dabbling, I pretty much talked my way out of anything that seemed uncomfortable. But we’re way deeper into this now. And I had broken a rule. I didn’t try to talk my way out of it, I just prepared for my punishment. I received 25 strokes on my ass with his open hand.
Afterwards, when he was rubbing lotion on my butt to soothe it, I told him he didn’t have to keep holding back. Punishments weren’t supposed to be arousing. I don’t remember what discussion we had after that, but I know we wound up with me on my hands and knees and him holding a belt. I had definitely consented to this, and I’m pretty sure it was my hairbrained idea. “I’m going to give you 15. Count”, he said.
After three very hard strokes, I was panting. I was having difficulty forming words. “What are your safe words?” he asked.
“Yellow, Master. Please.”
By eight I was completely torn. “I’m only halfway there, I can’t do this. I have to safe out.” Then “No, I’m halfway there. I can do this.” Master paused a moment and let me catch my breath. The last seven came quick and I’m pretty sure not as hard.
And FUCK FUCK OW FUCK SHIT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING FUCK.
Then again with the lotion. I lay on my stomach breathless and exhausted. He gently rubbed my welts and whispered to me that I was so strong, so tough. He couldn’t believe what I could withstand. He helped me put my underwear and pants back on and covered me with the blankets.
When he climbed in next to me and pulled me into his arms, I asked him how he felt about the whole thing. He said he was fine. I asked if he felt guilty and he assured me he did not. He said he did not enjoy punishing me, but it had to be done. So he felt fine. And I passed out.
The next morning we were having our usual morning chat. We use it to debrief if we played the night before, or just bitch about how poorly the kids slept if we had not played. (Usually one or the other. Rarely both. Assume what you will.) He asked how my ass felt and I assured him I had no bruising and it wasn’t too uncomfortable. I asked him how he felt, and he still answered positively. I told him if he starts to feel guilty or any other symptoms of “top drop” (see previous explanation of “sub drop”, only this is for Doms and other Tops) to let me know so we could talk through it.
More of my spiteful research turned up that Doms need aftercare, too. Master does not like to hurt me. He loves me and wants to protect me. Having to punish me was not enjoyable for him. I wanted to check in and make sure my Master was ok.
He then asked me how I was feeling about it, emotionally. I told him “Well, I sure as shit don’t want to masturbate without your permission again any time soon.” He started to smile and began to open his mouth when I came out with “I’ll take ‘Things That Are the Point for $600, Alex.'” He smirked and we went about our day.
I drove to work and stepped out of my car. I remembered that I’m supposed to take the stairs at work three times per day, minimum. I immediately headed for the stairs instead of the elevator I made damn sure my sore ass was up those stairs three times that day. I even did a fourth, thinking how proud Master would be. It occurred to me as I was driving home that punishment had done something to me. It corrected a behavior my Master did not want me to practice. Granted, the masturbation thing is more just because he wants to control my orgasms, which is hot. But he modified my behavior.
And that. That was sexy.