BDSM · Love and Relationships · Sex


I mentioned in my previous post that Master and I joined a site whose name is the same as an insurance company if you change a letter. That has been good and bad.

First of all, as a female submissive, I have been hounded by a bunch of guys. They want to send me dick pics, they want to start an online D/s relationship, they want me to send them pictures, they want to be friends, and two guys wanted to hypnotize me… for whatever reason. And my profile SAYS I’m married, I’m collared, and I’m only looking for mentors and events. Master has been contacted by someone who congratulated him on being married to me, and wanted to ask him if Master has taken control of my orgasms. And if so, this guy wanted to offer Master advice. So needless to say, it’s been on the skeevy side of things. But, like I said in my previous post, it has also been incredibly helpful.

I posted in a thread about this girl whose Dom left her mid-punishment and broke off their relationship. Long story short, both married, not to each other. One spouse didn’t know about the relationship, or the proclivities. Anyway, this woman wanted advice on how to win him back. I told her she probably shouldn’t want the guy back because he left in the middle of the punishment and didn’t offer aftercare. Then a woman turns to me and lets loose.

She said I shouldn’t state my opinions like they’re facts, and the fact that I said “aftercare” and “punishment” in the same sentence made her laugh out loud.

Aside from my initial reaction of “die in a fire, bitch”, this upset me. Granted, a majority of my understanding of BDSM comes from Mommy Porn books and internet research into what definitions are and a little into dynamics of a power exchange relationship. I was seriously doubting myself. I felt like I might not be a REAL submissive because I expected to be treated like Cole treats Sasha after a punishment. (The Master, by Tara Sue Me) I thought maybe other people in the lifestyle would see me as a poseur.

So I researched. A LOT. I was on multiple blogs, instructional websites, polling some of the less creepy guys who had messaged me on the website, everything. And what I found was, resoundingly, that punishment SHOULD be followed with aftercare. Like with Cole and Sasha. To let the submissive know that all is forgiven, you have moved past the disobedience, and to reconnect. (One of the guys reassured me that it’s what works for my relationship. And it doesn’t matter what bitches like that say. That anyone who speaks in infinitives is usually full of shit. [Note, USUALLY full of shit, not ALWAYS. Dude ain’t no hypocrite.])

I would never, ever be in a power exchange relationship where aftercare would not happen after punishments. I mean, that’s kind of the whole point of submitting to Master’s control and letting him punish me in the first place. It’s that connection that I crave. To be cradled and cared for and treasured. I want the super hot sex, spankings, bondage, and mental state, too, don’t get me wrong. But I want that deep bond that can only happen between people who are coming back together after something really intense.

I would love some input from those out there who are experienced in the lifestyle. Please respond. Aftercare following punishment: Yes or No?


6 thoughts on “Punishment

  1. Always. Aftercare is as important as the punishment. Arguably more so. For 2 reasons. 1. Emotional connection is what wraps it all together. 2. It allows freedom outside of the scene for anything that occurred in scene to be brought up. An after action report, if you will. As well as a time to take care of any physical damage that needs to be addressed.

    That site is awash in the ill informed and creepers. I hope it gets better for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So…my situation is a bit different because I am a masochist, so Sir wouldn’t use an impact scene as a punishment for me (it would be a reward). But as far as I believe after an impact scene (if that was her punishment) aftercare should be offered. Not everyone needs the same aftercare or aftercare at all, which is why it should be discussed prior during negotiation. I personally don’t get aftercare after my perceived punishments. Sir doesn’t always explicitly say it is a punishment but if it is degradation play after I was bad I don’t need it spelled out for me. It sound like you were just trying to be helpful with a sub that may have had less experience than you. She asked for advice so you weren’t out of line. You certainly didn’t deserve a shitty comment form a stranger. Sorry you had a bad experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the insight! Luckily I have had the complete opposite response on WordPress. I haven’t been skeeved on and no one has been rude.

      Hers was definitely impact punishment, which is why I was so taken aback when she said he just left. And she said it hurt awfully, but she was unable to get out of bed due to depression for several days. I mean, I get breaking up over the situation, but the way he went about it was abusive.

      Liked by 1 person

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